little-cubicle

Don't You Remember

2011-12-22T18:28:00.000+07:00

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?

A dream is a wish your heart makes (Walt Disney – Cinderella)

2011-08-12T10:32:00.000+07:00

I love to play this song on my piano lately in Legato, I like the melody and also the lyric. In addition, I always like Cinderella movie since I was kid, it is my fairy-tale. I always believe that if we keep faith on our dreams and everything we do in life with passions, nothing is impossible…..

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you are fast a sleep
In dreams you will lose your heartache
Whatever you wish for
You keep faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing the dreams
That you wish will come true

Forever in my life (Jojo)

2011-07-13T20:38:00.001+07:00

The way your part of me,
I would have to re-learn everything,
If you were to leave,
So fast you make me feel like was autumn leaves,
And honestly there a perfect explanation
Why you feel so good to say that your

My love,my love,my love
i´ll give you all my love if you,if you,
if you dont change a thing,
About the way you hold me every night,
so right, I wanna man like you forever in my life.

Im a Stick inside a jar,
turn the lid and set me free,
I Love Everything that you are,
Has a million other reasons,
But lets not go to far,
Stay,close to my heart,
When I think about the future,
I am right there where you are,
Cuz you´re...

I know,that you,would never leave me hanging,
Hanging out to dry in the wind,
I know that we haven´t seen the worst of it,
But when we do,I promise you we´ll stick it out together.

so right, I wanna man like you forever in my life

*Yes it feel so good when you are around and hold me so close*

If you're not the one (Daniel Bedingfield)

2011-06-19T22:46:00.002+07:00

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my husband?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms?

*I don't know why I posted this deadly romantic song lyric, I wish I can tell you what I feel*

Soulmate (Natasha Bedingfield)

2011-06-12T19:12:00.001+07:00

Incompatible, it don't matter though
Cause someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do, you're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Lovable is already in my life?
Right in front of me or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit?
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Oh, somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Denk aan mij

2010-10-28T23:10:00.001+07:00

Vandaag heb ik aan iemand van verleden gedacht, hij is lang geleden gegaan…..Ik hou van dit liedje van marco borsato – Denk aan mij

denk aan mij
waar het leven je ook brengt
en voel je vrij
als je denkt dat het zo beter is
volg dan je hart, al doet 't pijn
ik zal er altijd voor je zijn
waar je ook denkt aan mij
keuzes zijn gemaakt
je nam ze ook voor mij
er is niets wat ons nu samen houdt
al die jaren waren zo vertrouwd
maar dit leven samen gaat aan ons voorbij

het is moeilijk te begrijpen
en het is niet te verklaren
dat je zo om iemand geeft
en toch je eigen weg moet gaan
ik kan jou nu niet meer geven
dan de vrijheid in je leven
waarom moet een mens zo nodig
op z'n eigen benen staan
je maakt je vrij
waar het leven je ook brengt

denk aan mij
spreid je vleugels, lieve schat, neem alle tijd
ook al duurt 't nog een eeuwigheid
als je nu blijft krijg je zeker spijt
ik heb liever dat je ergens anders
denkt aan mij
en weet dat ik van je hou
en dat ik ergens denk
aan jou

nee je kunt 't niet begrijpen
en het is niet te verklaren
dat je zo om iemand geeft
en toch je eigen weg moet gaan
oh! ik wil je niet verliezen
maar ik mag niet voor je kiezen
en ik kan je niet vertelen welke weg je in moet slaan
dus maak je vrij
en waar he leven je ook brengt schat
denk aan mij
weet dat ik van je hou
en dat ik altijd ergens denk aan jou

An obituary of my good friend and cheerful colleague (David Hollister)

2010-04-04T00:58:00.004+07:00

I am writing this to commemorate the decease a colleague of mine 20 days (14 March 2010) ago by a car accident in Tallahassee, Florida – USA. My good friend and colleague : David Hollister, an American, (called Dave) was actually my technical adviser and mentor at work. Dave (57 years old) was nice and funny guys, very good story-teller and has good quality jokes that push my funny bone instantly. His sudden and tragic death has sunken our heart and left a deep sorrow in our office. He has been our technical adviser since 2006 and I started working with him since 2007.

I knew Dave since I work in Aceh and at the first time I met him I instantly like his good sense of humor and fatherhood but witty style, he became a good friend of mine since then. He taught me a lot about the work I am working with currently, his long and extensive experiences made him a very good adviser. I have asked many kinds of advices to him both managerial and substantive parts. One day he said that he can give any advice I need from picking the shoes to selecting a boyfriend, ah Dave you are so pleasant and funny. He asked me to call his name : Dave rather than address him with Pak Dave, well my intention is to show my respect to an old guys like him but he prefers to be treated as friend instead, ok fine with me Dave!

I frequently visited his cubicle at our office in different kind of situation, on my easy and hard time. He, as usual, will pay his full attention and listen to my stories/problems no matter how stupid and nonsense they were. Usually he will respond with stories/advices and they have never been the short one. He said to me one day : “Malikah there is no such as short advices”, when I complained to him that he talked too much and took a lot of my time to obtain his advices. As good friend, he sometimes also asked me about personal thing outside work. One day he asked me about the good hairstyle to make him look younger than his age, he has young spirit though. I suggested him to shave all of his beard and he did it! Early in the morning he came to my cubicle and asked me what did I think about his new looks. I looked at him and said I didn't not like it and wanted the beard back! He was disappointed but in funny way said : “oh Malikah, how could you say that? You asked me to do this then you don’t like it, oh no! Can I still trust you by now? “ hahaha, sorry Dave!

He knows it very well that I will use my wide smile to make him do what I want, and it works almost all time, he also knows that I will not stop until I get what I want. He said he can’t say no whenever I pop up into his cubicle with my big smile asking him to write me something or review my writing. Sometimes, we went out for coffee in between working hours to talk about our work and out for dinner just to talk about life. I know he will keep talking and talking until I stop him and back to work. Dave likes to talk and he is great talker indeed. One day he popped up into my cubicle and asked if he can asked me some questions, I said “yes but you only have 5 minutes since I need to finish my work”. Sometime I wonder why he has been so patience to me and understood me well. I ever asked him once : “Dave, sorry If I am too tough to you but please bear with me” He replied with fatherhood style : “Yes Malikah, that’s fine I tried to be patience to you”. But some other time we engaged in hard debate and discussion about work, in brief I will not take his advice for granted and question it back. He complained one day and said : “ what is the point asking advices from me then at the end you don’t use them Malikah?” I said : “well, that’s your job to give me advices and it’s my discretion to take or leave it Dave”.

I traveled and had mission with him to some places such as Banda Aceh, Medan and Bangkok. During the trips he always told me the stories and talked a lot. Since he always sit next to me, I told him on one of our trip that I wanted to sleep and did not want to talk because I was sleepy. Then he said nothing and let me sleep peacefully with earplug on my both ears on the plane. He is so understanding and sympathetic old man. Last time I meet him (about two weeks before his death) he told me that he wanted to move to Bangladesh. I was sad and surprised that he will leave our office though he will be working with similar organization. I asked him why he wanted to move and leave Indonesia. He said he wanted to do something useful before he retired within 3-4 years ahead. He told me about the story of swan that never sings a song but once it sings very beautiful song then it died. I wondered why he said that, he convinced me that he is not dying and wanted to die….oh Dave now I realized this was the clue that you will be leaving not to Bangladesh but to heaven instead…..

I have so many beautiful memories inside about you and have missed you badly Dave…..I am so sad that you are gone but I am also glad that you are now in peace…….I remembered last time we met I told you I would be going to Mecca for pilgrim and apologized to you then left your cubicle. You called me back and I turned around, you said : “Malikah, you never did anything wrong to me there is nothing to forgive”. I wish I would come back to you and gave you my big hug as usual but I didn’t since I believed in what you said that you will be back to Jakarta before moving to Bangladesh. But now I can’t see you sitting there on your cubicle anymore, I can’t tell you my stories or asking your advices anymore, I can’t hear those funny jokes and encouraging words on my hard times at work. So long Adviser Dave, rest in peace and may god bless your kind soul……

Image : The late Dave in his speech

Spiritual Journey to Holy land – The Blessed Mecca (Part II)

2010-03-28T16:40:00.010+07:00

We started our first Umroh rituals from Medina by taking Ihrom in Bir Ali, one of Miqot location in Medina. Miqot is the holy line/boundary to Mecca, the pilgrim travelers should start doing their Ihrom in Miqot location. Ihrom is one of Umroh or Hajj compulsory requirements, the moslem should take wudhu (cleaning session before prayers), do the Ihrom prayer, spell their intention (Niat) to do the Ihrom, and will not do the prohibited actions during the Ihrom among other : using anything with fragrance element, killing or hunting the edible animals, broke or disturb tree trunks, arguing or fighting, sexual pursue and contact, and cutting the nails, hair, body/facial hairs. Violation of those prohibited actions will be imposed with specific penalty called dam (paying the fine). The men will wear the white clothes without any stitches (not even underwear) while women should cover all part of their body properly except their faces and fingers with any kind of color of clothes and not necessarily the white one. We took 4 hours bus trip from Medina to Mecca with all member of the tour. Our muthowif Ustadz Fadhil reminded us to behave well and avoid any circumstance triggered the cancellation of our Ihrom. On the bus he guided us to spell and recite the talbiah. Talbiah is prayer to be recited when people approaching Mecca to do their Umroh or Hajj. The talbiah comprises of following verses of prayers : Labbaikaalluhumma labaik, Labaikaa laa syariika laka Labbaaik, Innal hamda wani’mata laka walmulka Laa syarii kala……….Meaning : Dear God I am welcoming your call, I am welcoming your call, all benefit, mercy and kingdom is yours, there is no God but you…We recited this prayers over and over in the bus on the way to Mecca until we felt a sleep sometime in tears again in the hope of merciful from Allah. During the trip I saw an extensive sahara in between Medina and Mecca, imagining how difficult it was for Prophet Muhammad and his followers to travel and run away to move to Medina and avoid the death and murders committed by unbeliever Quraisy to believer (moslem) people at that time……

We arrived in Mecca safely in the evening around 8 PM and directly settled ourselves in the hotel named Refada. It is located just 250 meters from Mosque Haram Alhamdulillah…….We were told to store our bags in hotel room and get ourselves cleaned with wudhu again and hurriedly went to Mosque Haram to undertake the Umroh. We started our programme by doing Isya and Maghrib prayers (Jamak – meaning doing the two prayers in one time) together with all members of group. We didn’t not need to do tahyatul masjid(prayer to greet the mosque upon arrival) since it we will be doing the Thowaf around Ka’bah.

The rituals started by approaching Ka’bah and doing the Thowaf for seven (7) rounds walking. This activities should be started on one corner of Ka’bah where the stone called (Hajarul Aswad – Black Stone) located. We started by lifting our hand if not possible to touch Hajarul Aswad and read : Bismillahi Allahuakbar three time and kisses our hand after we lifted it and spell the verses then started walking around Ka’bah on opposite direction of clock. We were guided to recite different prayers on each round by our muthowif and read specific prayer on Rukun Yamani (other corner before approaching Hajarul Aswad corner) the prayer is the following : Rabbana aatina fiddunyaa hasanah wa fil aakhirati hasanah wa qinnaa adzaabannaar…. Meaning : God, bless us with the goodness of the world and end of world and please evade us from the painfulness of hell……It was not easy walking around Ka’bah with thousand people doing the same things but amazingly reading and reciting the same prayers. I saw people from different countries and nations, different look and colors, different ages and sex walking around Ka’bah and recite the prayers….subhanallah…. After completing thowaf we did our prayers next to the cemetery of Prophet Ibrahim Alaihi Salam, it is located in outer circle of Ka’bah. But we couldn’t manage to do the prayer next to Hijir Ismail (the stone of Prophet Ismail, the son of Prophet Ibrahim) since it was very crowded and full of people. We continued our Umroh with drinking zamzam water then started the sai.

The Sai paths located on other side of Masjidil Haram, it comprises of two paths on opposite direction with two higher parts of them called Shafa and Marwa. We should start our Sai from Shafa mount and finish it on Marwa Mount for seven rounds walking and fast walking on green sign areas. Compare to Thowaf, Sai is more tiring and requiring strong legs and a lot of energy. I estimated at least one path equal with 150 meter, if we should pass it seven times it means we should walk around more than 1 kilometer to complete Sai. Similar prayers were recited on every path starting from the Shafa and Marwa. This activities is to describe the effort of the wife of Prohet Ibrahim : Siti Hajar while searching for the water for her son prophet Ismail in the middle of Sahara then Allah blessed them with zamzam water, the well which never dried until thousand years, Masyaallah……. The sai completed on Marwa and on this mount we cut minimum three hairs to mark the end of Umroh called tahallul, after tahallul all prohibition of Ihrom is no longer apply or enforce. It was very late midnight when we completed our tahallul and I still saw so many people doing thowaf around Ka’bah, later on I addicted to this activity and did it on daily basis on my stay in Mecca. We returned to our hotel rooms in tired body but satisfied spirit.

Mecca or Makkatul Mukarromah (The bless Mecca) was more crowded and dried than Medina. It somehow more rough in term of natural landscape and people. The Masjidil Haram (Mosque Harom) is the centre of cities, likewise Mosque Nabawi, the Mosque Harom surrounded by numerous hotels and shopping centres, The Hilton stands right in front of it and the malls. I spent my time wandering around on the mall on Hilton complex in between prayers time and found various interesting shopping locations there. One of them is a place named museum where they sell beautiful embroidery and good quality praying math (Sajadah). I bought some hand-made praying-math from Kashmir, superb fabric and price of course. Another favorite place of mine is Bin Dawood supermarket, where I can find and see various fruit, vegetable and other articles. I frequently stopped here even just to buy a bottle of arabic lemon tea although it tastes quiet different with Indonesian teh sosro :-)

We also visited other historical locations in Mecca besides doing prayers in Mosque Harom, the places are Hiro Cave (Gua Hiro) where Prophet Muhammad received first commandment from Allah through Jibril. Rahmah Mount (Jabbal Rahmah) where our great grandpa Prophet Adam Alaihi Salam and his wife our great grandma Siti Hawa reunited after thousand years separated. I did my prayer here to Allah to find me my soul-mate he chosen for me, the one who loves Allah and Prophet Muhammad, the one who will love me and take me as I am and the one who can be my friend and long-life partner in this mortal world. Two of my friends gratefully prayed for me too on this place, hopefully Allah will make our prayers true, amiiin ya Allah… The Jabbal Rahmah located nearby Arafah where people stay and together on Hajj to complete their pilgrim on 10 Zulhijjah, we also passed the Mina and Muzdalifah where people on hajj doing the jumroh (throwing the stones as the symbol to throw the evils).

At the end of our stay in Mecca, we are doing our farewell thowaf (Thowaf Ifadah), thowaf Ifadah was a sad even it is our last respectful attitude to Ka’bah whenever we stay in Mecca, s we had to say goodbye to Ka’bah and leave Mecca directly. But deep inside I believe I will be back to these holy lands again another time in my life Insyallah….. Leaving Mecca, we traveled to Jeddah and passed some other places such as the cemetery of Siti Hawa, the palace of Saudi Arabia King, the Balad Cornelis Centre and Floating Mosque in Red Sea. Floating Mosque is a nice place on off shore with Red Sea view and nice wind blow. Compare to conservative Mecca and Medina cities, Jeddah is more modern and liberal. I saw a young couple (perhaps unmarried one) sit together closely in front of Red Sea. I also saw apartments and business centre in Jeddah, in Airport King Abdul Aziz, I saw some women without scarf (Hijab) wearing jeans and shirt instead of their long-dresses. After staying for about 7 days in Saudi Arabia for doing my pilgrim and spiritual trip I finally had to fly home. Alhamduillah, the return trip went well with no major obstacles……. I hope I can make this high spirit and willingness to be a better person and believer of Allah stay long in my life……Insyaallah.

Images : Jabbal Rahmah, Mount Marwa after Tahallul, Ka'bah in Mosque Harom.

Spiritual journey to Holy land – The Radiant Medina (Part I)

2010-03-21T18:10:00.013+07:00

I have intended to visit those two holy mosques in Mecca (Masjidil Haram) and Medina (Masjid Nabawi) - Saudi Arabia quite some time ago but just had chance to do this spiritual journey this year. It was wonderful l trip and enlightening spiritual journey. I took 9 days trip inclusive travels from Jakarta-Jeddah and Jeddah-Jakarta and spent 3 days in Medina and 4 days in Mecca to complete all requirement of Umroh. It took 9 hours flight from Jakarta to Jeddah and 4 hours time different between Jakarta and Jeddah including Mecca and Medina. I joined a tour group comprised of 25 people from various ages, background and cities of origin all over Indonesia, very fun and vibrant group. Most of them I know at the minutes of departure time from Cengkareng, it’s only our believed and trust to Allah have made us close and looked after each other during our pilgrim, subhanallah……

The first test of our iman happened in Cengkareng when we were told that our flight is delayed for about two hours from the scheduled. We were asked by our travel agent to arrive on airport 3 hours before departure thus we spent 5 hours before departure at airport. We arrived in Jeddah safely at 12 AM (midnight) Jakarta Time and 08 PM Jeddah Time with 4 hours time different. It took us 20 minutes to stay in immigration line to check the passport and Mahrom. Yes, the Saudi Arabian government mandated all women below 45 years old to be companied by Mahrom (Male siblings, husband or relative in Islamic definition). Since I went alone, the tour agent made it official on my visa that I travel to Saudi Arabia with my male brother (He is actually member of our group, not my blood-tied brother nor my relatives or family).

After collecting our luggage the police asked us to submit our passport at the front gate, I learned later that this is to prevent illegal stay and working in Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. We met our tour guide (Muthowif) who will look after us during our stay and Umroh rituals, our group were split into two groups and buses. My group with 26 members guided by Ustadz Muhammad Faisol Fadhil, he is very nice and delicate man with Islamic Boarding School background and 18 years living in Saudi Arabia. He speaks Arabic very fluently and a humble man, we called him ustadz Fadhil. He brought us to our bus and started our trip from Jeddah to Medina with about 6 hours –trip. He reminded us to pray to Allah to bless our journey and keep good behavior on the holy lands. It was tiring journey with 15 hours trip from Jakarta-Jeddah-Medina and required a lot of energy and good health. We arrived safely in Medina at 04 AM and directly settled our luggage in hotel room, get ourselves cleaned and quickly joined Subuh Prayer in Mosque Nabawi. I then realized that the hotel is located only 100 meter from the gate of Mosque Nabawi Alhamdulillah…...

Medina is neat and pleasant city, the people looks beautiful and very nice with mild weather. The Prophet Muhammad Salallahu Alaihi Wassalam named it Madinatul Munawwarah meaning : The Radiant Medina. He was right after all even since 1400 years ago, the city is full of light by now, when we traveled from Jeddah by bus or flight it is obvious that it is glowing in the middle of nothing but sands. Later on I learned that Mosque Nabawi surrounded by shopping centre and hotels, the Hilton stands on the right side of the Mosque. I also found one starbuck counter in front of left gate of Mosque Nabawi and saw people staying in line to order coffees almost on every prayers time except morning (subuh) prayer. The Mosque Nabawi is the second greatest place after the Al-haram in Mecca, Inside it in a place named Raudhoh laying the Prophet Muhammad Sallahu Alaihi Wassalam. The Raudhoh is opened anytime for men and 3 times a day for women, no wonder it is always crowded and chaotic on visit hours to Raudhoh. The female police should work hardly to arrange the turn to pray in front of Raudhoh. Unfortunately, no camera allowed and passed on entrance of the mosque, the female police will check all hand bags of visitors and prayers to ensure that and taking pictures is also prohibited inside the mosque.

I managed to visit Raudhoh twice on my stay in Medina, all of visit was full of tears, I don’t know why I can’t help myself to cry while standing in front of the cemetery of Prophet Muhammad. I looked around and found everyone in sight was crying too. Raudhoh is one place where the prayers will be directly heard by Allah, that’s why so many people visit the place and insist do the prayers in spite of crowd and chaos. I did the same and send my big prayers and shalawat to Prophet Muhammad Salallahu Alaihi Wassalam…...

There are several historical places to be visited in Medina such as Mosque Quba, Mosque Qiblatain and Baqi Cemetery. We visited and stopped over in Mosque Quba to do Dhuha Prayer. The Prophet Muhammad said, who prayed on this mosque will be granted with enormous blesses. The mosque was built or constructed by the prophet himself. Mosque Qiblatain was where the prophet received communication with Allah on the direction of prayers for moslem. Previously the moslem faced their prayers to Mosque Aqsha located in Palestine. On Mosque Qiblatain the prophet was ordered by Allah to face the Ka'bah for prayers forever. This is to make the difference between moslem and previous believers from Prophet Daud and Isa Alaihi Salam. We also visited Date Centre, Medina is popular for its good quality date fruit than Mecca. I saw and tested different kind of date fruit there, but unfortunately I couldn't find where to buy the fresh date fruit but managed to test it once, so nice and fresh. It was coincidence, I was thinking of having or buying fresh date fruit then I saw a guy passed in front of me in Mosque Quba eating the fresh date fruit and gave me some. wonderful experience, perhaps he could read my mind?

Leaving Medina wasn’t easy, I again was in tears on my farewell visit to Raudhoh and on my may to Mecca leaving Medina....Salam Ya Raslullah, Salam Ya Muhammad, Ya Nabi Salam Alaika Ya Rasul Salam Alaika, Salawatullah Alaika.......

Pictures : Medina Road featuring Mosque Nabawi, In front of Mosque Quba, Mosque Nabawi after Zuhur Prayer

Mijn leven in Wageningen – De menswetenschapen stad

2010-02-08T12:17:00.005+07:00

Wageningen is een klein stad onder de province van Gelderland. De stad is bekend als de menswetenschapen stad. Ik woon in Wageningen bijna twee jaar, tussen 2003 en 2005. Ik studeer aan de universiteit in Wageningen. Ik studeer rurale ontwikkeling sociologie and de bosbouw. Ik woon in een student flat. The naam van de student flat gebouw is bornsesteg, ik woon op twentegste (20) verdieping. Zoal veel studenten in Nederland ik liever zelf-standig wonen. In Wageningen meestal schrijfen de studenten in bij de SSHW (Stichting Studentenhuisvesting Wageningen). De huurprijzen van aan kamer in wageningen tussen £ 180 tot 300 per maand.

Mijn kamer is klein maar mooi, hij is 5 bij 6 meter, hij heeft een bedkamer, een keuken en een slaapkamer binnen een woonkamer. In de kamer staat en bed. In de hoek van de kamer staat en televisie. Naast het bed staat en fauteuil, de kleur van het fauteuil is groen. De fauteuil staat achter een klein tafel. Voor het kleine tafel staat een stoel. Bij de stoel staat een bureau. De kamer heeft drie deuren, de eerste deur bij de woonkamer, de tweede deur bij de bedkamer en de laaste deur bij de keuken. Ik heb en gezellige buurt. Mijn buurman en buurvrouw komen uit Nederland, Ijsland, Ethopie, Bangladesh, Iran en Rusland. In Wageningen komen de studenten uit zeken landen.

In Nederland hebben de meeste mensen een fiets. Ik ga met de fiets naar aan de universiteit, naar het centrum, naar elke plaats in Wageningen. Ik heb een oude en goedkope fiets. Elke donderdag s’avond ga ik met mijn vrienden naar een café, ze zijn studiegenoot van mij. Wij drinken en eten in een café in het centrum. Meestal drink ik en kopje koffie and een broodje kast. Het it interesant vind ik veel kast in Nederland.

Op elke weekend gak ik naar het centrum of supermark (C1000) voor boodschappen doen. In Wageningen de centrum is open elke woensdag en zondaag. Ik koop groenten, fruiten en bloomen (rozen) in het centrum, vaak veel de aan bieding and korting. Ik koop vis, kip en vlees in de supermarkt. Ik koop altijd melk and yoghurt. Ik heb zin in melk and youghurt drinken, ik vind veel en goedkope melk and youghurt in Nederland.

Som op het weekend gak ik met mijn Indonesie vrienden naar Utrecht of Arnhem voor winkelen, omdat Wageningen de kleine stad is, hij heeft weinig winkels. Utrecht en Arnhem is de vlakbij steden van Wageningen. Wageningen heeft geen trein station, daarom erste gaan wij naar het trein station in Ede met de bus. Daarna neemen wij de trein van Ede tot Utrecht. Wij gaan met de bus naar Arnhem, Utrech is verder dan Arnheim van Wageningen maar ik leiver Utrecht dan Arnhem. Hij heeft groter winkels voorbeeld H&M en Zara en geode schonen winkels ook. Ik lief mij student leven in Wageningen.

Een huiswerk van Erasmus Taal Centrum

Image : Mijn kamer in Bornsesteg - Wageningen

Laugh and Tear = Expression of Happiness

2010-01-25T00:20:00.002+07:00

I just back from home early January 2010 to attend my sister’s wedding. It is simple yet cordial and private family parties, attended by our family and the siblings of my sister’s husband and neighbors. I am so happy for my sister though I am also sad she should be moving to Perth-Australia soon. Well, that’s life I guess, happiness and tears can’t be separated somehow. We laugh and/or cry to express our happiness, I did both on my sister’s wedding, expression of delightful for sure ….Congrat sist, happy wedding and marriage life!

Image : Me and Bride

Longing for bright 2010

2010-01-08T11:06:00.001+07:00

It has been ages since the last time I wrote on this blog, 2009 is the year of transition and foundation of my career and personal life. First of all, I performed well on my one year contract resulting to another year contract extension at work. I couldn’t believe what was written on my performance evaluation form, it is somehow surprising to eventually see how my boss observed my struggle to handle my new assignment and cope with new working environment and expanding responsibilities. After all, my hard work and determination to keep going on was paid off with excellent marks on my performance evaluation form. Thanks God, alhamdulillah!

Secondly, I decided to take foreign language course realizing my hidden passion to speak other language than English and my mother tongue. I have to sacrifice half of my free Saturday every week to attend the course and ended having a bunch of young, energetic, and nice friends. Thirdly, I decided to move to a better apartment in nicer environment along with my sister, yes I can’t stand the old neighborhood of old apartment anymore it didn't fit with me. I am also glad having my younger sister with me working and living in Jakarta, it is nicer to have a sibling around at any time of situation in a big city like Jakarta.

I also met some guys, attractive, prospective and young people. Nothing serious happened but I enjoyed being their company or spent some time with them in my leisure time. Since my workload now reduced with complete personnel in my project, now I have more time to have social life. I have determined that I will spend more time for social life and have more fun this year. Yeah, starting by having a break from work and holidays in Bali, I will have frequent holidays and visit to other places in countries and overseas. I have planned my holidays for 2010. It its very productive and useful for releasing stress and balance my body and mind.

I haven't many resolutions in 2010 but one thing is sure to lead a better and healthy life style, that is include positive thinking and good companies. Welcome 2010!

Image : Rice Field in Ubud

Me, High Heels and My Ankle

2009-05-02T00:50:00.007+07:00

It has been long since I post my last story on this blog, a lot of things happened in life and the best part is my better health condition. I am so glad having my health back. I lost weight lately with so much things to be done at work and also my new habit to eat less but frequently following my doctor’s advices. However, I like being slimmer and to be healthy as well. I have moved into a new place, still in central part of Jakarta , with my friend. It is a convenient place in term of access to public transportations though I don’t really like the neighborhood and the people around. It does not matter actually, once I get into our apartment I feel at home and comfortable.

Last week I had a minor accident on my ankle the right one precisely. It happened in the morning on the way to office. As usual I am taking bus-way from my apartment to office. I was in hurry and unconsciously run away on my high heels (yes, believe it or not is at least 10 cm) right in from of my office building. Unaware of rough pavement in front of me, I slipped into the floor without falling down, and injured my own ankle. Surprisingly it was not that hurt initially thus I still managed to continue walking to my office using my high heel, climbing to 9th floor, sitting down on my chair and start working. Two hours later I start feeling pain on my right ankle and trying to find ice-cubes to relief it. I walked strangely that day and used my comfortable slippers at the office whole day. Arrived at home, I put ice-cubes on my right ankle and it indeed useful to reduce the pain. I woke up in the morning anticipating swollen ankle then surprisingly nothing happened, my feet was fine and no longer hurt, yuppie!

I have been reprimanded by my advisor and colleagues at work to put on sneakers or flat shoes. Unfortunately, I really love high heels and can’t resist the temptation of not buying and using them until now. Last week I bought a pair of high heel again…the accident didn’t make me quit wearing them again. Yeah me and high heels, we love each other for so long….

Image : my favorit high heels

A Letter To My Doctor

2009-02-15T14:28:00.004+07:00

Dear Doctor,
I am grateful that I am recovered and feeling better now with your medical treatment. I regretted that I did not take your advices seriously before especially after my illness some months ago. You said take a lot of rest, be careful with your food, avoid chilli and stress and back to me next week. I didn’t do all those things assuming that I was fine and moved on. The last time I visited you and also when I was discharged from hospital I asked your advices to accelerate my healing processes. You said I can not eat this I can not eat that I can not do this I can not do that and you don’t know how much I try to follow your advices. You don't know how much I love chilli pepper and tea but still I don’t eat chili and hardly drink tea the last four weeks. I have ignored and resisted the temptation to have them ( though all of my friends at work and home eat spicy and hot food with chilli pepper in front of my very eyes), it is tough but I managed it. I follow other advices : back home earlier from work (you do not know how much work I have to do), have more rest (though I really want to go to cinema at night, sight seeing, wandering and shopping at malls with my friends), eat less but frequently and never let your stomatch empty (I eat banana and biscuit in between my breakfast, lunch and dinner and sometimes when I woke in the middle of the night and felt hungry I standed and grabbed banana then back to sleep) and be very careful with my food and drink ( I cook own my lunch and dinner and drink mineral water only).

You do not know how my world and life has changed the last four weeks. I remembered the last time I visited you (two days ago) to get vaccinated, you still teased me and suspected if I am not following your advices, I said I did and swear I did. I will do whatever it takes to be well, I will follow what you said and take it seriously now. Doct, I really want to get my health back and become tired of back and forth to your room there at a hospital in Kebun Jeruk. I know you are a very good doctor and you have so many patients are waiting for you, I have to wait for hours just to visit you many times. We have an appointment to meet a week after this week to get another vaccination. I will ask the nurse to do it again, you are very good doctor and I wonder why a good doctor is not good in doing an injection and you are not the only one. My previous internist was also very good doctor but I didn't like the way he did injection on me it was painful. But it does not matter, I will see you again in a couple of weeks anyway. I am glad to be well and I want to keep it that way. Thank you.

Your patient,
Me

Wereld Zonder Jou (World Without You)

2009-02-05T18:23:00.002+07:00

This is not about a Dutch Song I like a lot or about my loneliness of missing someone, not at all. This is about my madness of missing a very important thing in my life on the same time one that I had too much in my life causing me illness and pain, IT IS ABOUT CHILI PEPPER, yes these red and hot plants but indeed had have very bight impact in my life. I have been sick the last three months and was just discharged from hospital (for second time) last weekend for similar disease I have had before (please read previous post). During those periods, I have been prohibited to some extend by my doctor and also restricted my self to consume it on my food. I just realize how crazy I was before eating chili pepper so much on my food and addiction to the sensation it had on my tongue and mouth. I know I have reached my limit and now my stomach is no longer able to tolerate my bad habit of putting so much chili on my daily food.

Right after my recuperation period last month I have tried to eat chili pepper then I again I felt discomfort and pain on my abdomen. I have learnt (I hope I don’t lose my ability on learning especially to be recovered and to look after my self carefully) that I might no be able to have chili as much as I had before. Until today, I still feel discomfort on my abdomen every time I eat and have no courage to try chili, not anymore. However, I have felt my life is so different and empty (of course I dramatized it) without chili. Yeah, I know now how much I love this forbidden pleasure. I know I was diagnosed by typhoid fever several times and suffered so much from it. I know those damn bacteria called salmonella typhi have attacked my intestines and I admitted recently that my bad eating habit (eating out when I lived in Aceh and addiction to chili has contributed to this illness). I really want to be out of this disease yet the temptation to have spicy food is so strong the last three weeks. During this sick leave period, I start thinking and considering somehow, I need to change my eating habit especially with chili and control my worries about things and stress at manageable level. I just realize, things will not be the same for me after this illness, however, I do still hope one day I can have and live with chili pepper again, hell, am missing it a lot now......

(Writing from my bed in the hope of recuperating and be able to have chili pepper again)

Image taken from : http://www.producepedia.com/chilipepper.php

Umbrella and the way to “hell”

2008-12-03T17:02:00.003+07:00

You had my heart we'll never be worlds apart
They be in magazines you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark you can't see shiny cars
That's when you need me there
With you I'll always Share
Because

When the sun shine we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever said I'll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it's raining more then ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
Under my umbrella
Under my umbrella

Caused everything will never come in between
Your apart of my entity here for infinity
When the war has dealt it's part
When the world has dealt it's card
If the hand is hard together we'll measure up
Because

When the sun Shine we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever said I'll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it's raining more then ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
Under my umbrella
Under my umbrella

You can run into my arms it's okay don't be alarmed
Come into me there's no distance in between our love
Go on and let the Rain pour I'll be out here needing more
Because

When the sun Shine we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever said I'll always be your friend
So come on out and stick it till the end
Now that it's raining more then ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
Under my umbrella
Under my umbrella

It's raining , Oh baby it's raining
Baby Come Into me, come into me it's raining
Oh baby it's raining you can always come into me

The title above is intended to represent the current weather condition in Jakarta in addition to my addiction to the song by Rihanna. It is frequently raining in Jakarta and umbrella is one important thing to bring along the way to work especially for people like me who prefer to live on walking distance from office area for practical reason. I like living in a big city such as Jakarta but I don’t like its dense traffic jam at all especially at busy hours. For this reason, I found a nice temporary place to live in nearby my office until I find a spacious and comfortable apartment suit me. The second part of this title will be described later on.

The last two months neither easy nor too tough for me, I never imagine that I was so familiar with living in Banda Aceh and it took sometimes for me to adjust with big city living again. I am fortunate enough to have very understanding colleagues and sympathetic supervisor at work then I smoothly mixed and blended with my new but old office/organization and its people. I am still handling similar work with additional tasks and responsibilities, I would say it’s a bit too much but that’s interim arrangement until we found the person in charge to supervise the ground works in Aceh.

At the moment perhaps until the end of the year I will be traveling to Banda Aceh on monthly basis. The last two months, I have been there twice; first mission was short and second mission (last week) was tragedy (well, I might dramatize it but it is true). I never think that my whole week mission totally failed for one reason : I was hospitalized 5 days for suffering typhoid fever right away after I landed in Banda Aceh, terrible disease in wrong time and place I would say.

It was started on Sunday 23 November 2008, yes exactly three days after my birthday! I planned to have one week mission in Aceh to complete some works and attend several meeting scheduled a week before. My initial phone conversation with our technical advisor has represented this unfortunate mission. There are three times flight from Jakarta to Banda Aceh and vice-versa in one day by Garuda (the recommended airline service my organization trust to fly with). In almost all mission to Banda Aceh people at my office avoid (at least that the sense I have about) to fly with first flight which initially scheduled on 06.15 am then now moved into 05.30 am, yes 05.30 morning time! Can you imagine that? Meaning that I need to be at the airport at least 04.50 am to enable me to make the flight and depart from home with taxi at 04.00 am in the morning. So, to avoid this trouble I tried to get second flight scheduled at 09.35 am some days prior to my departure but failed.

So here I was last weekend, with first flight ticket at hand on Monday 24 November 2008 tried to pack off my bag and discussed my plan with my technical advisor (who already headed into Banda Aceh) of our meeting there. I told him my schedule including my flight and let him know that I was still trying to go with second flight but had no avail. I still remember how he laughed on the other side of the line and made a joke about flying first flight to Banda Aceh is similar with preparatory to hell (he analogized it with a ritual in catholic before people come into hell) if I can recalled what he said correctly. I was laughing out loud to hear his story (we’ll he is good and funny story-teller anyway) and silently if not obviously agreed with him but for only half part of his story. I understand that flying first flight to Banda Aceh might not be wise choice but I know after arriving in Banda Aceh it will be paid off to see my team and project as well as to meet old friends there.

The initial torturing series began in Sunday 23 November 2008 mid-night with painful sensation on my abdomen following with frequent diarrhea and light headache. Clueless and underestimated of these symptoms, I thought I only had stomach upset and will recover tomorrow morning when I reached Banda Aceh. I hardly slept that night suffering with pains also fearing of felt a sleep and missed the flight likewise what happened to my technical advisor a week before (it made him stranded at least 6 hours at airport before flying to Banda Aceh). After all, I woke up in time, went to airport with taxi in the middle of heavy raining and made my flight to Banda Aceh. I was wrong when I thought the pains will be disappeared when I arrived in Banda Aceh. Once my flight took off from Cengkareng I started to feel all part of my bones cracked and felt so cold with terrible headache. I told one of my colleagues who flied with me to Banda Aceh that I was not feeling well at all and asked them to get my baggage on arrival hall. I also asked them to drop me at my hotel to take a rest first then planned to go to my office in Banda Aceh late in the afternoon (Again totally incorrect assumption!, I learnt later on : when you are sick you are sick there was no way to push and force yourself to work especially if you can’t even stand up properly).

Arriving at the hotel, I directly lied down and found myself felt seriously ill, for all those pains I experienced since the night before, I made conclusion that I was sick and needed to see doctor. I called my colleague to ask UN doctor to see me at my hotel and check me up. UN doctor came in the right time and took very efficient medical decision and injected me with fever relief and pain killer, called lab people to get my blood sample to validate his diagnosed : Typhoid Fever then prescribed medicines for me. I stayed in my hotel and still had no clue of significant illness I will experience later on from this disease. My second night was more terrible with severe diarrhea, frequent vomiting, intense pain all over my bone and discomfort on central part of stomach, it was just like in hell...well I’ve never been in there but I almost closed to it I guessed. Early in the morning, all those pains went on with more frequent vomiting and shivering, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I called UN doctor who again made very quick action to hospitalize me. I only nodded submissively when he said that I needed to be infused with food and medication through my blood system to overcome my illness and prevent advance dehydration caused by frequent diarrhea and vomiting. I was brought by UN ambulance to hospital and medically treated by UN doctor : dr. Ferry Yama Irawan, whom I owe a credit for saving my life. Thank you so much doctor and also God!. Well, I may sound exaggerating but I was true that his medical treatment and kind heart has helped me to recover gradually but positively whenever I had no one there to look after me with limited medical facilities.

My parents and siblings kept calling me to ensure if I am fine (I said yes to them but I lied especially to my mom who was so sad and desperate to hear this news, she called me twice a days just to check and talk to me) and asked if I wanted my mom to be flied to Banda Aceh. I did not want to make my dear family disturbed by my illness and insisted to handle this all by myself as usual (I was sick several times in Aceh whenever I lived there and so far I can handle it). I knew I was too weak to fly to Jakarta whenever UN doctor offered me two options : hospitalized or medical evacuation, then I chose the first one with all consequences (including the absence of my relatives or family members by my side). I should also thank to my colleagues in Banda Aceh Office for their visit especially my team who intensively visited me at hospital and handle my basic need and administration on my sick leave. I will never forget this experience and will take good care of myself, I promised and learnt so much from this all. I just felt that I have been through the hell and should do my best to prevent it repeated for the fifth time, yes this was fourth typhoid attack I experienced and I felt like a fool for repeating similar mistakes over and over showing my learning disability. Lately I take further medication and healing by consulting to an internist who recommended me to undertake typhoid vaccination, yes I can get typhoid vaccination (God! I wish I knew about this long time before!).

Another Chapter of My Life

2008-09-07T15:24:00.002+07:00

I will be moving from Banda Aceh on third week of September 2008, thus I have to pack my stuffs to be sent to Jakarta and Pekanbaru . I curiously calculated my moving rate in the last 8 years since I graduated from my bachelor education. The first moving was on 2000, three months after bachelor graduation to small town namely Pangkalan Kerinci located 70 Km from my home in Pekanbaru to work on Pulp and Paper Industry. I have stayed in Pangkalan Kerinci for 3,5 years then move to Wageningen – Netherlands to carry on my master education in 2003 . I lived in Wageningen for more than 1,5 years until my master course completed on March 2005 and back to work on Pangkalan Kerinci for 6 months only. Then again, I moved to my hometown in Pekanbaru and lived with my parents for 10 months. Later on I got a job on an International Conservation NGO in Banda Aceh and moved on mid 2006. I stayed in Banda Aceh for 2,3 years and end up working with UN agency since 2007.

On all packing and unpacking sessions for 6 times moving in the last 8 years, I have seen them as chapters of my life. Initially, I felt moving is difficult and heartbreaking to leave all friends I get along and places I get used with. Lately I learnt to let things go and accept that life is about changes. The only things I can bring with me is its memories whether the good and bad ones. I have learnt that, life is about shaping and nurturing story of my own to be written on my life book. I also learnt that living in those places has taught me many lessons and enriched my understanding about people and places including its unique cultures and traditions. It influenced my perspective and somehow coloring my way of seeing life.

Today, I again packed my 2,3 years living in Banda Aceh on boxes and bag to move to another destination : Jakarta. I am curious and excited about what kind of stories will be written on my life book, I will be starting another chapter of my life in another place.

Third Ramadhan in Banda Aceh

2008-08-29T22:31:00.004+07:00

This year is my third ramadhan in Banda Aceh and possibly will be my last time here. I never imagined that I will stay this long (2,2 years) in Banda Aceh. Originally I planned to stay in for one year then extended it until two years (June 2008). I have prepared my departure from Banda Aceh and found another job just to move to Jakarta on July 2008. I got job offer from another UN subsidiary in Jakarta and almost confirm to start to work on 01 July 2008. Then, another option is coming : staying with my current organisation but waiting for 2 months (until the end of August 2008) to enable relocation to Jakarta, so my contract was extended until the end of August 2008. I supposed to move from Banda Aceh on early September 2008 but administration process of my relocation is not yet completed, here I am, extended one month stay in Banda Aceh and spend my third ramadhan in Serambi Mekkah City.

Today, I again felt the same way and experienced the same thing with years before. Aceh people have special tradition called Meugang. This occurs on one or two days before ramadhan whenever people spend time with their family and cook chicken or beef/lamb in traditional Acehnese cuisine (curry). The majority of shops will be closed including restaurants creating difficulty for people like me who bought daily meals from available restaurants in Banda Aceh. My first and second ramadhan were spent with relying on my land lord/house owner to provide me with Iftar (Dinner) and Sahur (Early Breakfast) meals. This ramadhan I will cook for myself and wonder how I can manage to cook in the afternoon and back home earlier from work. But I feel exciting for my shopping tomorrow though I got used with regular shopping to local market in Penayong to buy my weekly groceries/supplies. I can guess the market will be crowded and packed with people tomorrow and I will be one of them. I should be doing my groceries shopping tomorrow worrying that on Sunday people will not sell their products on the local market on Meugang Day.

I am happy that I can experience another ramadhan with Aceh tradition and will miss it one day. I should be also thankful and grateful that I still meet ramadhan this year, Alhamdulillah. I always like ramadhan and its blessing wherever I am I feel the same : fortunate and peaceful, no matter in my own country not to mention in Banda Aceh, with its strong Islamic entity and on my student life years in Europe some years ago. Ramadhan is always my favorite month of the year, welcome ramadhan……….marbahan ya ramadhan….Taqabalallahu Minna Wa Minkum Taqabbal yaa Kariim…….

Picture : Baitur Rahman Grand Mosque - Banda Aceh

The Wide and Borderless Sky

2008-08-24T11:21:00.007+07:00

My work in Banda Aceh is going to end soon and during my 2,2 years living here I have learnt that this place is so quiet and peaceful then I started to fall in love with Banda Aceh. I still remember the first months of my arrival here, I feel lonely and mundane of the quiet-ness and nothing-ness of the ruined Banda Aceh. Later, on my prolong stay I discovered that Banda Aceh still hide its beauty despite the massive and historical earthquake and tsunami on December 2004 that severally destroyed Serambi Mekkah City.

One thing I like the most about Banda Aceh is its Wide Sky that I notice every time I touched down from my travels and back to Banda Aceh on Sultan Iskandar Muda Airport. On the way from airport, I always like to sit in the car while watching the sky and its horizon with rice paddy field below and Bukit Barisan view on its edges. The sky is so wide and borderless with beautiful clouds floating on it. Nothing destructs this scenery as it is hard to find high raise buildings in Banda Aceh that block the higher view.

Another favorite view is the Lamphuuk Beach, the quiet and peaceful beach among other beaches in Banda Aceh. My first visit to this beach was on 2006 that made me in love with this beach and its picturesque view, a combination of blue water and white sands with green higher land on the other side (see my picture above with my colleagues). I have been walked along this beach with a friend from Canada who told me that he feels like he is inside of the post card whenever he sees this beach. There was nothing there at that time, only sands and water and greenery view, so tranquil and mesmerizing, lately I found local community built small huts to enable people to sit and hide from the sun while enjoying the view. Once again I notice the Wide Sky in Lamphuuk beach and it always fascinating me as usual.

I hope Banda Aceh will gradually expose and regain its beauty while developing public infra-structures to become a normal and charming city. I am sure I will be visiting Banda Aceh frequently months ahead after my contract is ended and my relocation, however I will be missing its quiet-ness and peaceful-ness and for sure its Wide and Borderless Sky.

World without Irons and Wires

2008-08-22T17:06:00.010+07:00

After getting along for more than three years, I am finally free from irons and wires on my teeth, I feel a lot of better and wonderful. It took me almost two hours in doctor’s room to take them away and it worthwhile whenever I see the result. Here are several things I do not need to do and I can do without braces :

1. No need to clean up my teeth every time I eat something
2. No need to brush my teeth frequently (my doctor said at least I had to brush my teeth three times a day but I did it four or five times)
3. No need to visit the orthodontist every months (which mean I had to book the flights ticket from Banda Aceh to Pekanbaru, took one day off on Friday and spent million rupiah just to visit my doctor reducing my saving account)
4. No need to endure pain and agony after visiting the ortho-dentist (oh, it was painful and hurt after my doctor tighten the wires to move my teeth)
5. No need to bring two different tooth brushes on my bag whenever I am travelling for missions or holidays
6. I can chew bubble gum again after three year without them, yuppie!
7. Free to eat some piece of chocolates without worrying that it will leave ugly mark on the edge of irons in the middle of my front teeth then my doctor will recognize it and warned me to stop eating it

After all, I am so glad to get through it and happy with my neat and healthy teeth. Special gratitude goes to my professional ortho-dentist (drg. Muslina Yulia, Sport) for her skillful and meticulous work. I also appreciated her patience to explain to me what she is going to do with my teeth just to satisfy my curiosity during monthly visit in her room in RS. Awal Bross. I thank to my mom for her company for every visit I made to hospital, I just realized that she was rarely absent to drive me there and patiently sit with me in the waiting room. She is the one who persistently convinced and persuaded me to visit ortho-dentist and start to use braces since long time ago, but I only started it on 2005 and got wonderful result on 2008. I LOVE YOU MOM!

Magic

2008-06-29T23:14:00.004+07:00

I love the song by Colbie Caillat recently especially this one.

Magic

You've got magic inside your finger tips
Its leaking out all over my skin
Every time that I get close to you
Your making me weak with the way you
Look through those eyes

And all I see is your face
All I need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above
Oh I need you

I remember the way that you move
Your dancing easily through my dreams
Its hitting me harder and harder with all your smiles
You are crazy gentle in the way you kiss

All I see is your face
All I need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above
Oh baby I need you

To see me, the way I see you
Lovely, wide awake in
The middle of my dreams
And all I see is your face

All I need is your touch
Wake me up with your lips
Come at me from up above

All I see is your face
All I need is your touch

Six Reasons to Drink Green Tea

2007-03-20T11:03:00.000+07:00

1. CUT YOUR CANCER RISK
Several polyphenols - the potent antioxidants green tea's famous for - seem to help keep cancer cells from gaining a foothold in the body, by discouraging their growth and then squelching the creation of new blood vessels that tumors need to thrive. Study after study has found that people who regularly drink green tea reduce their risk of breast, stomach, esophagus, colon, and/or prostate cancer.

2. SOOTHE YOUR SKIN
Got a cut, scrape, or bite, and a little leftover green tea? Soak a cotton pad in it. The tea is a natural antiseptic that relieves itching and swelling. Try it on inflamed breakouts and blemishes, sunburns, even puffy eyelids. And that's not all. In the lab, green tea helps block sun-triggered skin cancer, whether you drink it or apply it directly to the skin - which is why you're seeing green tea in more and more sunscreens and moisturizers.

3. STEADY YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE
Having healthy blood pressure - meaning below 120/80 - is one thing. Keeping it that way is quite another. But people who sip just half a cup a day are almost 50 percent less likely to wind up with hypertension than non-drinkers. Credit goes to the polyphenols again (especially one known as ECGC). They help keep blood vessels from contracting and raising blood pressure.

4. PROTECT YOUR MEMORY, OR YOUR MOM'S
Green tea may also keep the brain from turning fuzzy. Getting-up-there adults who drink at least two cups a day are half as likely to develop cognitive problems as those who drink less. Why? It appears that the tea's big dose of antioxidants fights the free-radical damage to brain nerves seen in Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.

5. STAY YOUNG
The younger and healthier your arteries are, the younger and healthier you are. So fight plaque build-up in your blood vessels, which ups the risk of heart disease and stroke, adds years to your biological age (or Real Age), and saps your energy too. How much green tea does this vital job take? About 10 ounces a day, which also deters your body from absorbing artery-clogging fat and cholesterol.

6. LOSE WEIGHT
Oh yeah, one more thing. Turns out that green tea speeds up your body's calorie-burning process. In the every-little-bit-counts department, this is good news!

Source : http://www.yahoo.com/

An Inconvenient Truth

2007-03-05T19:22:00.000+07:00

This is a movie which won the 2007 Oscar for documentary category film. What I particularly like from this movie is the issue at stake is The Environment. The movie reveals a sound and ample facts of global warming that threat our living planet: The Earth. The central figure is Al Gore, the former US Vice President who has campaigned and warned the world with the impact of global warming to the earth and human being. Gore’s presentation dominates all section interludes with his political career in US senate and presidency. At the end of his presentation he assured that global warming is not political issues but moral issues that have to be tackled immediately.

My knowledge about the global warming issues is limited, though I am working with an environmental NGO currently, this fact is embarrassing actually. But from this movie, I found a lot of thing to be learnt. I do not have to go to library to find about Kyoto Protocol and to know that among the developed nations, only The US and Australia who do not ratified this Protocol. Which is mean these two big countries do not agree to reduce their carbon emission at certain level to reduce the global warming impact.

I like the simple theory that Gore’s used to explain the fundamental cause of global warming effect. He convinced the audience with very simple yet concise explanation why the carbon emission is linear with the earth temperature trend. Oh no, it sound complicated, Ok let me put it this way: The higher level of carbon is emitted from the earth the higher temperature of earth will be. It is also interesting to know that how the ice on the earth poles is currently melted away by global warming. The series of catastrophes: Hurricane, flood, typhoon are also caused by this as well as various strange diseases happened in many part of the world. Overall, the global warming has changed the nature of our planet and there are consequences that we and future generation have to bear.

I wouldn’t try to explain about the detail of global warming impact to our planet and human history now but I am alarmed by this movie that as individual we can do something to reduce the global warming impact and save our planet. It can be started from planting more trees, recycling, reducing fossil fuel sources energy, etc.

One thing is sure that the Global Warming is a Global Warning to the earth population about the silent danger on our single living planet.

Down Time

2007-02-26T10:12:00.000+07:00

It is time to be on your own occasion…
It is time to be on your own space…
It is time to contemplate your thoughts…
It is time to talk to nobody but your spirit
It is time to listen to nobody but your heart…
It is time to be with no one but your soul…
It is time to heal your wounds…
It is time to meditate your life…
It is time to remedy your problems…
It is time to hibernate from hectic world…
It is time to rest your exhausted body…
It is time to recharge your drain mind…
It is time of mine...

Thing is meant to be or merely coincidence?

2007-02-14T09:34:00.000+07:00

I hardly believe in coincidence, this can be something to do with my nature : curiosity. I frequently found myself trying to analyse things that happened in my life and to find the explanation behind them. I believe that in particular circumstances of my life there must be something to be learnt and meaning to be grasped. Things happened for a reason and that is our duty to discover the meaning. There are nothings happened in our life is meaningless, there are only our ignorance and indifference.

We occasionally meet people in different place and period of time. There are interesting friends we want to be with and share our life and there are just ordinary acquaintances. These people could bring us joy and happiness and sometimes they may hurt us. Some of them stay with us in long period of time others are just temporarily companies. They may teach us lessons by sharing their experiences and stories. These peoples come to our life for a reason and we do not meet them just by chance either.

Thing is meant to be and nothing such as a coincidence………..

Me Myself and Fresh Fruit

2007-01-29T10:41:00.001+07:00

The relationship between me and fresh fruit is very close if not inseparable, I fond of them if not obsess. I adore their lovely and colourful appearance and their fresh and tempting smell. I seriously think that consuming sufficient number of fruits, especially the juicy one, on my diet is mandatory. I value the healthy lifestyle, including eating rough fruits, vegetables, besides drinking milk (this one bit worrying, it makes me gaining more weight easily) to be the ultimate way to enjoy life. I never smoke, drink alcohol or use drugs and fancy tea (any kind) than coffee (except whenever I really need something to keep waking me up) and convince that healthy enough. But I consider myself as a real carnivore, I like to eat beef, chicken, and seafood respectively. I think I never been able to be a vegetarian one day, that’s too tough for me to avoid eating those animals. I need to balance this eating habit with the healthy one : the fresh fruit.

I was very healthy at my parent's house last year and a bit chubby. I used to be the one at home who experimented in the kitchen with different kind of fruits to process them into healthy juices. My favourite is the mixture between carrot and tomato, I don’t fancy their taste actually but I do appreciate their effect on my skin, so radiant…..My dad, the conservative one at this area prefers to get his pure apple juice every day and decided not to be a victim of my “creativity” in juice mixing anymore. I ever offered him once a mixture of start fruit and pineapple juice which taste was sour…..ups sorry daddy…. I thought it was good to reduce his triglyceride problem (He checks his triglyceride level on regular basis).

Here in Banda Aceh I hardly have time to go to the kitchen to mix different kind of fresh fruit into lovely colourful juices. I usually buy two different fruits (normally Apple + Orange or Peer + Orange) to be consumed roughly on daily basis. I really like the process of making fresh juices, starting from shopping and choosing different kind of fruits in the market then processing them. I always take this as refreshing activities and amazingly it make me relax and feel so healthy. Buying the fresh juices from restaurant is the most possible option for me currently. I sometimes wonder of how these creative peoples at resto mixed a strange combination of fruits into a good taste drink. May be later on I can try to purchase the juicer machine and back to this old hobby. There are a wide range varieties of fruit are available in Banda Aceh and mixing them into extra-ordinary if not terrible beverage is part of fun.

Image taken from : www.dole.com

You never lose something that you never have

2007-01-08T10:19:00.000+07:00

You : Hi you, where are you going?
I : I am going to somewhere
You : Why don’t you tell me?
I : This is my life, I am the one who decide what I want and what I like to do. You
are just somebody who come to my life in certain period of time. That time is
over, now I am heading to something new.
You : But don’t you think that I am also part of your life?
I : Yes, you were but It’s yesterday and it become a history already
You : So you think that the history is nothing to do to our present life?
I : Off course it is. But I don’t want to stay stuck on my past life, I have to move
forward and life is going on
You : But you can’t ignore and completely forget what had happened in your past life
I : I am not going to forget my past time, I will use them as self- reflection and
learn from them
You : Do you know where are you going?
I : Yes, but I don’t know exactly what I am going to see, the future is still mystery
You : Good luck then, I a wishing you all the best
I : Thanks, I am leaving now
You : Ok, just go away. I am not losing you, because you never lose something
that you never have

New Year and an old proverb

2007-01-03T08:22:00.000+07:00

Sometime thing is better said in silence. I learnt this wise sentence from a friend of mine long time ago. For years I don’t really understand the real meaning of this wise proverb. Recently I have learnt that in particular moments in life it is worth to say nothing at all. Moreover, I notice that somehow when I mean to do something, saying those to anybody would make them difficult to be achieved or even failed.

Another friend told me that when one striving for something or in an effort toward his/her wish it is important to keep pursuing it and tell no one. The reason to be in secret movement is to keep the energy in full power and tract. Telling the wish is considered reducing the energy and may distract us from our desire. For me this argument makes sense and I have nothing to counter. Maybe there is also another reason for not telling our wish to other. It will be less hurt or embarrass for ourselves if those wishes can not be achieved whenever only us who know it.

There are things that we want others know and telling them is an ultimate way to do so. However, there are also thing that will be less meaningful when we put them into words. It is better to keep them inside and put them into action to express what we mean to be. Let’s take an example of parents love to their kids. My parents may rarely tell me how much they love me yet along my life since I was born they never stop loving me in ways that might look so normal and invisible for me.

Anyway, one year has passed and another year is coming. Many projects are unfinished but I still have New Year resolutions that I want to keep with myself and prefer not to share them with others for the reason above. I just wish I could stay in the tract that I make and achieve the wishes that I am longing for. Happy New Year 2007, may the years ahead provide us with success and happiness!

P.S. There was time on your side whenever you said nothing at all and I think the silence is your best way to communicate

20 something girl or 30 something woman?

2006-11-19T13:05:00.000+07:00

Early in the morning in the office, a very routine conversation between me and my boss happen on the minutes of my departure to the fieldwork.

Boss : Hi Malikah, with whom are you going to the field?
Me : I don’t know yet, we can’t find a driver to bring me to the field, wish I would dare to drive by myself to the field
Boss : Then, why don’t you? (Joking)
Me : Well, I am still not brave enough to handle things that may happen on my way, lets say flat tires!
Boss : May be we need to train you of how to fix the flat tired (Still joking)
Me : I know how to do that. I happen to watch and help people fix the flat tires . The problem is my attitude toward driving alone to the field in the middle of nothing! (just imagine the road along western coast of Aceh after Tsunami two year ago)
Boss : May be we need to train you to be brave (Now he is smiling widely)
Me : Thanks, that’s very kind of you! (laughing out load)

On the way to the field I was thinking, though I am forty I am not going to drive alone to my field work here in the west coast of Aceh (The roads are still terrible) that’s too risky! Being thirty doesn’t mean that I have not to afraid of anything.

In the car during the trip back from the field work , a friend of mine asking :

Friend : Malikah, have you ever felt completely alone?
Me : Where? Here? Yes, sometimes though I never felt it before. But now I enjoy being alone and am very get used with that.
Friend : You know even if you have a life partner somehow at times you feel it
Me : Good, so in time I can deal with that

The rest of the trip I was thinking though I will be thirty very soon, am I still have a 20 something girl inside? Lets review some of random facts about me currently :

- I get sunburn easily now so never forget to put on my sunscreen cream whenever I go out and expose with the sunshine
- I still have some pimples on my face and I thought they will be gone when I am thirty but it seems they are not
- I have a healthy dose of cynicism and can see the both side of arguments and stop seeing a life through a rose color glasses
- I am financially independent (at least I never asked my dad to fill in my bank account anymore)
- I can laugh and make jokes about myself
- I feel much more peace with myself about my present and past life
- I found myself bring Vitamin C and Calcium everywhere I go but many times forget to consume it
- I go to the beauty saloon and SPA at least twice a month even just to have a pedicure to make my toes looks nicer which I never care about before
- I start to think to buy a small house with a comfortable kitchen and a spacious garden
- I am still unable to resist the temptation to go to a nice vacation with my best friend and may hurt my account
- I still love pink though it is lesser than before including a pink lipstick
- I want to have a laser surgical for my eyes so I can get away either from my glasses or contact lenses (It’s almost 18 years with them!)
- I am less sensitive and not easily irritated, that’s surprise me
- I am still wearing braces which makes me feel like a teenager
- I got chicken pox at my late 29th
- I am slimmer now as if I am back to 25 years old
- And etc……etc

Welcome thirty something age, I am happy to be with you soon!

The Zahir

2006-10-30T09:46:00.000+07:00

I have finished reading an excellent novel by Paulo Ceolho, The Zahir, who also wrote other best seller novels such as The Alchemist and Veronica Decided to Die. Credit to Nguyet, who sent me this novel, I couldn’t find it here in Banda Aceh. What I like the most about this novel is its deep thought and apparent reflection of life and reality. It’s about a journey to find things that we, human being, are craving for ; happiness, love and freedom.

It’s about a man who loved his wife more than himself just after she’s gone. He was never been a faithful husband actually and always proud of his freedom. However, the years he spent with his wife, who left him without particular reasons, has changed him and allowed him to reach his ultimate dream to be a famous writer. His love to his ex-wife has turned into obsession and created what he called “The Zahir”. After two years waiting and searching, he decided to endure a long and hard trip to meet his ex-wife and ended up with heart breaking of knowing that she now is pregnant and doesn’t want to be with him.

The setting of the story is located in Paris, Madrid and Almaty. Likewise his other novels, Paulo Coelho described and captured the places in an interesting approach and a sound fact related to them. After all, I also admire his articulate way of explaining the abstract yet essential philosophies of life and its complicated realities. Perhaps I am not very good in reviewing a high quality novel as such yet I enjoyed reading it a lot.

My Confession

2006-10-19T10:21:00.000+07:00

Ramadhan will soon leave us then Eid Mubarak will be in the air.
Hope I still can meet the holy month next year with better Ibadah

Al' I'tirof (By Abu Nawas)

Ilaahi lastu lilfirdausi ahlan
Walaa aqwaa 'alannaaril jahiimi
Fahabli taubatana waghfir dzunuubi
Fa innaka ghoofiruddzambil ‘adziimi

Dzunuubii mitslu a'daadir rimaali
Fahablii taubatan yaa dzaljalaali
Wa'umrii naaqishun fiikulliyaumi
Wa dzambii zaa-idun kaifahtimali

Ilaahi 'abdukal 'aashi ataaka
Muqirron biddzunuubi waqod da'aaka
Fa in taghfir fa anta lidzaaka ahlun
Wa in tadrud raman narjuu siwaaka

My Confession

Almighty, I am not deserve your paradise
Yet I can not bear your hell
Please forgive me and abolish my sin
It is only you who can forgive the sin

My sin is as much as the sand on the beach
Please forgive me oh Almighty
My age is lessen each days but my sin is not
Is there any other way for me

Almighty, I am the sinner who come onto you
I am confessing and begging you of my sin
Please forgive me because you're the forgiven
If you leave me I have no way to go

Happy Eid Mubarak
1 Syawal 1427 Hijriyah
Taqabballahu Minna Wa Minkum
Taqabbal Ya Kariim

Here I am *

2006-10-03T12:06:00.000+07:00

I know myself
I know I still inside of me
I’ve packed my bag
I’ve traveled far
As I can see

But with guiding wrong
With lighting wrong
Here I am

I am lost
But I can see my destination
It’s clear inside my heart already there

With you I felt
Every sad emotion
But I still want to trust and care

Now I believe
That I could give
You can throw

And I thought that
You will treasure to
My very soul

I see it clear enough
Alike where I am

* by Ilse De Lange (A Dutch Female Singer)

Happy Ramadhan 1427 H

2006-10-02T10:00:00.000+07:00

Welcome Ramadhan 1427 H
The Holy Month
Taqabballahu Minna Wa Minkum
Taqabbal Ya Kariim
Happy Ramadhan!

Salam,
Malikah

MAKS Girls Episode

2006-09-18T09:15:00.000+07:00

Once upon the time in a small but nice city : Wageningen, which is popular with "The city of life science" motto in central part of Netherlands, there were 5 girls from different nationalities of three continents (Europe, America and Asia) studied in a University. In spite of their difference cultural background, these girls were fun and had a wonderful time together. They all knew that one day, once they finished their study, they will be living in separate life so in every moment they tried to create beautiful memories and enjoy their time together.

Lena
A tall and very smart girl from Germany. She is very fond of organic farming. Finished her excellent thesis about organic coffee farming in Tanzania and now working with EU subsidiary in Brussel - Belgium. The similarity between Lena and I is our hesitant, we hardly decide anything promptly. I also still remember that cold night whenever we sat side by side and holding each other hands somewhere in Poland….. I know she is struggling with her professional life now yet am sure she will be the winner. How are you my dear, any charming prince in sight?

Laura
A confident and diligent girl from Spain. I admire her skill in making nice and delicious cake. And violet, her favorite colour, I really like Laura in her violet sweater and her sensitive heart too. Trained as agriculture engineer and interested in food processing industry now she is working with Ministry of Industry in Madrid - Spain. I hardly heard any news from her lately, commo esta seniorita? I am wishing you all the best my dear.

Gisella,
A cheerful and pretty girl from Peru with beautiful long and waving hair. Her sharp mind is also another value besides her beauty and that allow her to carry on to PhD level. Now she is living with her fiancé in Limburg – Netherlands. I just got good news currently that she will get married on November 2006. I wish I could be there to see Gisella in her wedding dress, she must be much more beautiful. Congratulation my dear! I am sure Paul will look after you carefully, he is the lucky man.

Nguyet,
A kind and helpful girl from Vietnam. She is physically small but mentally big. A hard worker and I appreciate her effort to link me with the organisation I am working with now, she worked there before actually so we have a lot things to discuss about work. We are still in close touch as we can chat through yahoo messenger to exchange some news. She is working with an International NGO now with her new ambition in a place near to Hanoi - Vietnam. I wish you can find a nice gentleman to look after your very kind heart after that hard time my dear!

Malikah
A small girl from Indonesia, just see my profile and you can also write about me!

These 5 girls were classmate and they studied in the same program namely MAKS (Management Agro-ecological Knowledge and Social Change) in Wageningen Universiteit. Though Nguyet took her major with Management of International Development (MID) she was always welcome in MAKS group. 1,5 years indeed very short time but they are still keeping all those sweet memories with them. Now they are living away from each other to pursue their dream. They have promised themselves that some days, they will see each other again. Just hope those days will eventually come and they will spend a wonderful time together as they were before.

I have missed you all my girls......so much….hugs and kisses from Indonesia.

Never Wrestle with A Pig*

2006-09-14T10:08:00.000+07:00

This is one of the favorite books that I read currently, though I still have a pile of books waiting to be opened. I chose to finish this book first but it takes quite long time for me to finish it. Well, the problem is lie on my reading style, I hardly finish reading one book then I found myself jumping into another book and later on back to the previous one. Recently I am aware of this habit and start to think that is a bit odd (don’t you think so?), now I am trying to stick to one book before starting to open the other ones. Credit to my sister who brought this book and let me keep it.

The book mostly about being smart in business and career and was published on 2002. The author is the late Mc Cormack who also wrote “What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School” and become the #1 New York Times Bestseller. He was the founder and CEO of IMG (international Management Group) which worked to manage celebrity and famous athletes such as Tiger Wood, Venus and Serena William, and Tyra Banks. Here are ten tips from Mc Cormack (and eighty others inside the book) worthwhile to be known in business life.

• Ends your day on time
• People who can say they can keep the secret usually can’t
• Don’t let your values work against you
• Know when to say “it’s none of your business”
• Get paid for thinking rather than doing
• Some problems are not worth knowing
• People who count on lucky rarely get lucky
• Learn the art of picking the check
• Lose your learning disability
• The boss can asked stupid question (and not sound stupid)

*You get dirty, and only the pig enjoys it!

Are you unhappy of being fat?

2006-09-04T13:54:00.000+07:00

I watched The Oprah Winfrey Show last saturday, which is actually one of my favorite TV show. I hope I can watch these shows frequently but as it’s presented at 10 pm I can only watch them on weekend. Anyway, The topic of the show this morning was about losing weigh with extra-ordinary ways. In a developed country like US, where the majority of people have more than enough food on their fridges, the obesity become the hot issue. They become fat because they just trapped on a situation where they can not control their eating habit and these may be caused by different reasons and circumstances.

At a certain point people started to realize that they have problem with their weight and apparently this is a time where they felt that they are different from normal and average population. At least that what they said in the show about the reason of feeding up to be fat and wanting to reduce their weight. Well, I actually never experience of being truly fat (since I am small and I think I am lucky for this reason) so may be I can not precisely explain of when people start to perceived that they are fat.

The techniques of reducing weigh in the show are somewhat irregular. Before, I know and believe that the ultimate way of losing some ponds is doing particular sport that can be fitness, jogging, aerobic, etc which may seem require discipline and highly motivation. Then in Oprah Show there was an Hollywood actress who practiced dancing to reduce her weigh and lost hundreds ponds in a year. I noticed her picture on TV and imagine how hard she worked to be the point where she is now (she needed to buy new clothes to replace the old ones). A young man who dropped out from the college just because he was too big for the school chair, confessed that he is losing his weigh by changing his eating habit. Rather than eating regular pizza with cheese now he eats pizza with more vegetable, also with chicken which he prefer the grill one than the fried one. There was a mother who is using her babies as her equipment in doing exercise. She doesn’t need the fitness instruments as she can just carrying her baby in her arm to gain a nice muscled arms and legs. Sit and push up become so much fun by putting the baby on her top and gaining his kiss while she is lifting herself up. The last one was the woman who admitted that she is using sex and food to reduce her weigh. She said that eating particular food such as chocolate and celery proceeded with frequent love making can help her to reduce some weigh (she was fat before and now she is happily married and enjoy being slim).

I am happy enough with my weigh lately, though I was a bit chubby last year. Well, actually that’s not bad yet my sisters kept telling me that I was fat. Now I am little bit cautious with the food I am eating, of course I am not counting each of calories in them. I much more concern about health than weight, with my current scale I am still OK and no need to worry about getting fat. What I am worry the most are my cholesterol level and blood pressure. With my recent eating habit (with so much coconut milk and flesh and very few vegetable) I feel less healthy than I was. I usually consume a glass of pure carrot and tomato juices a day and felt so good. The healthiness is already started since I peel off the fruits and processed them into bright and nice color drink, I really like the impression of freshness it created.

Before Sunset

2006-08-23T09:16:00.003+07:00

This is the title of the movie I’ve watched recently (although it was published in 2004), What I like about the movie is the setting and scene of Paris on summer season. It’s create a kind of dejavu to me, no I don’t mean that I have a special memory in Paris but I just feel as if I was there again while watching this movie. For me, likewise many people, Paris is the most romantic place I’ve ever visited besides Barcelona.

I admire its magnificent architectures such as Notre Damme Cathedral, Sacre Coure and of course Eiffel Tower and its neighborhood including Trocadero. Versailles, in the uptown of Paris, is an incredible palace, with its splendid and elegant mansions where the Royal French Families lived in luxury before French Revolution exploded. Versailles also has a large and exquisite garden nearby the mansions with its wonderful trees along the boulevard. There is a numbers of great places to visit in Paris, Louvre museum, Plas De La Concord (not sure if the spelling is correct) and many others.

My friends and I like to walk along Champs Elysees Avenue from Arc De Triomph then stop over to have a cup of hot chocolate in a warm and cozy Parisian café. We observed a charming and handsome French waiter who served us the drink and freely made a joke about him without distracting him from his work (of course by using our own language). The shopping session was the must-do-thing in Champs Elysees, the favorite place was Sephora, where French people sell their lovely fragrances in a spacious and convenient store. I like Champs Elysees, I even have a favorite fragrance name Champs Elysees which is smell so good. I ever heard one of my classmate, a French girl, sang a song about Champs Elysees with her guitar proudly. Maybe there are many reasons to adore Champs Elysees after all.

We spent hours to explore Sephora just to test different fragrances. We bought several bottle of fragrance in nicely wrapped packages. Of course we didn’t skip the opportunity to stop over in Mango, our must visited shopping site too. Lately I also found Sephora as well as Mango in Barcelona, but they aren’t as big as the one in Paris. Maybe that’s the reason why I like these two cities, I fond of fragrances and can’t live without them and these cities indulge my eyes with their picturesque buildings.

Back to the movie, Before Sunset, besides its Paris scenery I also like the two central characters. The man, Jessie (Ethan Hawke), an author, married and has one kid. The woman, Celine (Julie Delpy) an educated and single environmental activist. I always dream to be a novelist/writer which is mean I don’t need to go to office everyday and wonder of the best way to attend a meeting without spending all my day talking and listening to the people. I can spend my days at my home to write my books and travel around the world if the novels become the best seller. The first character is much more fantasy to me, I don’t think I can be a novelist one day. The second character I think is somewhat fit with me and much more real, an environmental activist, the career that I am pursuing lately. The other similarity I found in Celine is her passion about the thing she is doing and also her personal point of view about love, well, maybe mine is not as dramatic as her. Overall I think this movie has two major things to represent its simplicity : Dialog and Setting. It captured Paris scenery and presented the thought of two characters into a light yet meaningful conversation.

Picture : Eiffel Tower, Versailles, Maulin Rouge, Champs Elysees

My Insanity

2006-08-22T09:15:00.000+07:00

It’s been three months since I’ve moved to this place, the most western part of Sumatra. That’s not really far away from home actually, it just take less than 2 hours flight from my hometown there in central part of Sumatra. Though I have to make one flight transit in North Sumatra before reaching my parent’s home.

But the funny thing is until now I am still unable to settle and get used with living here. I am still wondering of how can I fit into the place and the people here? this place has beautiful natural views and the people is also nice actually. Well, maybe this is all about me, my insecurity, anxiety and loneliness. Sometimes I don’t know how to deal with this sentimental feeling. I have no friends with whom I can share things with as I had before in years I was away from home. I don’t find a favorite place to escape from all those sort of feeling yet. I don’t know what to do, maybe I will soon be lost and mad in this place.

However, I think somehow this is a good place to contemplate my thought, about what kind of life I really want to make and what kind of professional career I want to build. Maybe I should just let all of these wacky feeling flow down and get them all over me. I still remember one of my close friend said that “stupidity makes people wise” once one of us made a mistake, and now I want to say that “loneliness makes people insane”.

Be Organized, That’s Made Life Easier

2006-08-11T13:12:00.000+07:00

Since my childhood I get used to organize my days and I believe that was the result of habitual practices. It’s a matter of pattern you create and require the inner strength to pursue it, I would say that is self-devotion. But there were days when I feel that none of my working lists I’ve made is completed, my day is chaotic, I feel exhausted but I produced nothing.

Personally I think that’s started from the night before, I organized my next days and mind in the evening. This may sound peculiar but that’s what happened to me. I recognized lately that this may come from my mother. On my early age especially on kindergarten years, I still remember that every night I needed to turn into my pajama, tied up my long hairs, wash my feet and brush my teeth. That’s sort of ritual I underwent before going to bed. Apart from this, I also prepared my little school bag though not so much to bring those days actually.

When I grew up and reach my early employment days, I found this habit was always following me. I’ll prepare the clothes, bag, shoes I want to wear for tomorrow the night before including the things-to-do-list in office. Of course there were days when I didn’t those all things, especially whenever I stayed up late in the office to meet the deadline. Then it is easy to guess that the next morning I grabbed any clothes I’d like to wear but felt none is appropriate.

Later, I tried to be somewhat spontaneous. Yet I still think of the dress I want to wear tomorrow but certainly not preparing and thinking of the matching earring and scarf in the night before. Though whenever I need to do my fieldwork, I’ll pack up my carrier in the evening and got the things-to-bring-list on my head (usually I’ll make the list in the paper). However, I can be so impulsive and turn into the last minute changer, which I found somewhat hectic.

Recently I’ve tried to work paradoxical with my previous habit. I don’t make the working list at all and just carry on my days as they were. My hypothesis was right, I frantically jumping into on thing to another without finishing the previous one. Now I conclude that being spontaneous is good to spice up my days but being organized much more important to maintain the self-devotion.

What is the place people called home mean?

2006-08-08T13:27:00.000+07:00

Its been a year since I stop writing this journal. Many things happened through all of the year. I finally decided to write back in this little cubicle which I constructed in years while I was away from home, home country precisely. Now I am living away from home again, this time home town. Well, what is actually the meaning of "home"? Is it a place where you attached to? or a place where you were grown up? or a place you are always missing whenever you are away? For me all may be true. I really like a song by Dido, may be that's represent my thought of home.........it's only a thought..........

Life for rent

I haven't really ever found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking
It's just a thought, only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone and live my life more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive If my life is for rent...

Welcome home

2005-04-04T21:30:00.000+07:00

After flying about 15 hours from Amsterdam finally the Malaysian Airline (MAS) MH 0017 landed savely on Jakarta, April 01 2005 at 10 am. The difficult and and painful journey ended already. I couldn't help to not to cry once the flight took off from Schipol.....well I cried on the boarding gate actually.....facing the hard negotiation of hand luggage matters.......I have learnt from today to follow the rules and bring the acceptable amount of stuffs with me while travelling.

I was also battling this sentimentil feeling......I never think that leaving Wagenigen and my best friends outthere is that hard. A day before my departure I made a memorial trip around Wageningen with my bike. I tried to capture and store the scenes in this city into my memory to be remembered later in my home country. I went to Rhinen River, standing there for a while and was doubt if I can see this beautiful place again.....nevertheless deep inside I know that I'll be back here one day although I am not sure when and how.......

Until we meet again (Diana Ross)

2005-03-29T14:45:00.000+07:00

Who would have ever thought
The day could ever come
When we would see
A love like this fall into pieces

And it hurts me to know that now 'til then
I'll only have these memories
And now there's no time left to pretend
And it feels like it's the end
But you're always in my heart
Until we meet again

Now I have to let you go
There's no way we can be friends
But you're always part of me
Until we meet again

Why while our love was strong
We still couldn't make it
Did time have to take our live in different directions
And it hurts cause there's no way for me to reach you
We're so far apart
When did we grow so far apart

And now there's no time left to pretend
And it feels like it's the end
But you're always in my heart
Until we meet again

Now I have to let you go
There's no way we can be friends
But you're always part of me
Until we meet again

Deep in my heart I know
I'll see you again well I don't know
Where or when.. but till then

And now there's no time left to pretend
And it feels like it's the end
But you're always in my heart
Until we meet again

Now I have to let you go
There's no way we can be friends
But you're always part of me
Until we meet again

And now there's no time left to pretend
And it feels like it's the end
But you're always in my heart
Until we meet again

Now I have to let you go
There's no way we can be friends
But you're always part of me
Until we meet again

And now there's no time left to pretend
And it feels like it's the end
But you're always in my heart
Until we meet again

Contemplation

2005-03-24T15:45:00.000+07:00

After getting dull with thesis and excited in graduation on 17 of March now it is time to prepare to back home next week. Sitting down on my comfortable sofa, looking out the window, enjoy the bright sunshine of this spring and gazing at Wageningen sky which I feel very close to me since I am living on 20th floor. Try not to think about yesterday and tomorrow, I just want to live for today. Thinking of yesterday makes me sad as I have to leave so many beautiful memories here in Wageningen. Thinking of tomorrow makes me tired about the uncertain future.......

In silence I try to contemplate the feeling inside. It is strange when you know that you have reached the dimension where you are now with so many things happened. I never Imagine this situation 1,5 years ago before departing to this place. Now I am sitting here in my room in Wageningen, curiously waiting for the next 1,5 years later. No no no, of course I am not thinking of tomorrow but just curious of what direction the future heading me into......

The end of a long journey

2005-03-02T18:50:00.000+07:00

Tomorrow will be my "big day"...........so nervous yet excited. Just 20 hours to go from now to finish my study. God, bless me for tomorrow and the days after...................

(Kepanikan seorang ika menjelang ujian dan menjadi MSc)

Last day for final version

2005-02-28T13:47:00.000+07:00

After several nights without enough rest, finally I decided to print the final version of my thesis at 07.30 this morning. I really want to hand it out immediately to my supervisor and co-reference today. However, I wish I am able make it better than it is now actually, unforunately I have to catch up with the "fix schedule" from both my sponsor and university. I can feel the "gezellig" atmosphere for a while in this little cubicle, after struggling with the big monster named thesis during the last 8 months. Now I turn back to "normal" life and let my poor little body to have rest and relax.

I have also packed and sent my 1,5 years life in Wageningen into three boxes to home. This little cubicle looks like somewhat empty and spacious yet still as messy as broken planet. Books and papers are everywhere, I have slept over them. I need to fix this little cubicle into the pleasant planet to live on again as it was before.....

Do you remember ? (Phil Collins)

2005-02-26T20:48:00.000+07:00

We never talked about it
But I hear the blame was mine
I'd call you up to say I'm sorry
But I wouldn't want to waste your time

'Cos I love you, but I can't take it any more
There's a look I can't describe in your eyes
Yes we could try, like we tried before
When you kept on telling me those lies

Do you remember...?

There seemed no way to make up
'Cos it seemed your mind was set
And the way you looked it told me
It's a look I know I'll never forget

You could've come over to my side
You could've let me know
You could've tried to see the difference between us
But it seemed too far for you to go

Do you remember...?

Through all of my life
In spite of all the pain
You know people are funny sometimes
'Cos they just can't wait
To get hurt again

Do you remember...?

There are things we won't recall
Feelings we'll never find
It's taken so long to see it
Cos we never seemed to have the time

There was always something more important to do
More important to say
But "I love you" wasn't one of those things
And now it's too late

Do you remember...?

Thesis is painful yet cheerful afterward (??)

2005-02-24T14:52:00.000+07:00

Wahai thesis ku
Karena engkau,

rela gak tidur semalaman
dan memilih nongkrong di depan laptop

Lengan, punggung, pinggang
Semua kaku dan ngilu (RSI kali!)

Rasa lapar sirna sama sekali
Biar seharian gak makan

Tahan gak mandi seharian
dan tetap merasa baik2 saja

Kamar berantakan kayak kapal pecah
kertas dan buku bertebaran dimana2

Jantung2 deg-degan
dan lutut lemas
tiap kali ingat deadline

Rasanya ingin cepat2 selesai
dan menyerahkan final version
dan bergumam, Oh Tuhan
Kapan ini semua berakhir

Ketika semua badan
terasa sakit dan letih
membayangkan saat indah
setelah ujian dan wisuda
Semangat muncul kembali

Thesis memang menyakitkan tapi aku jatuh cinta padamu wahai thesis.......................

(Kegundahan seorang ika, saat-saat2 dekat deadline, belum ujian tapi sudah mimpi jadi MSc)

I think God can explain (Splender)

2005-02-22T15:48:00.000+07:00

There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things
that I don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you
to look me in the eyes

It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away

It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get over it in the end

The scent of vaseline
in the summertime
The feel of an ice cube
melting over time

The world seems bigger
than both of us
Yet it seems so small when
I begin to cry

It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain

I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get over it in the end
I'm so much better than you guessed
I'm so much bigger than you guessed
I'm so much brighter than you guessed

It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away

It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get off of your back

I think God can explain,
I think God can explain
I think God can explain

(Thanks to caca ocra for the song)

SMS vs Thesis

2005-02-14T23:59:00.000+07:00

+62812752xxxx (dady)
Hi, how are you dear? Dady always pray for you!

+62812751xxxx (momy)
Assalamu'laikum, my dear good luck with your thesis, I am sure you can make it. I always pray for you, love from momy.........

+62812751xxxx (momy)
Take a break if you get stuck and do not forget to eat properly, take good care of your health. Momy love you........

+1512299xxxx (sister in US)
Dear sist, how are?I understand you must be busy now, good luck with ur thesis, I am proud of you. Love you sist.............

+6281176xxxx (sister in Pku)
Good luck for your thesis, we are always pray for you and never think that we do not care. You are always in our heart......

+90535394xxxx (friend from Turkey)
I wish you are success, healthy and happy life my dear sister. I will pray for you, be strong InsyaAllah you will manage...................

Mbak nana via messenger
Hi ika? have you get your dinner? I cooked for you.......

Call 1 (an old friend in Plk)
friend : Assalamu'laikum, how are you?
me : Walaikum salam, I am fine thanks
friend : What time is it now there?
me : 1.30 am in the morning
friend : Oh sorry, I interrupted your sleep
me : That's fine, I am still working with sleepy eyes in front of my laptop, thx for calling
friend : Ok, good luck with your thesis and do not forget to pray and keep focus
Me : Ok, thanks for calling
friend : Salamu'alaikum
me : Walaikum salam

Those are the support and care from my families and my friends while I am still struggling with my paper yesterday.............Thanks all, it is nice to have people like you around................

Rain

2005-02-12T17:40:00.000+07:00

It is raining outside
So windy and misty
The sky so grey
The vision so vague
The trees so wet
also my window

Rain and tear
can not be separated
you can pretend
a beautiful smile
on the sunshine
but on the rain
you can't help the tear

Rain and tear are the same
Thanks God for raining
It let the tear down
Even for no reason

Ketika

2005-02-10T19:54:00.000+07:00

ketika semua warna menjadi ungu,
haruskah kacamata ini diganti?
ketika semua suara terdengar sumbang,
haruskah telinga ini di tutup?
ketika semua kata telah habis,
haruskah bibir ini terkatup?
ketika semua asa lenyap tak tersisa,
haruskah jiwa ini mencari?

ketika setiap detik adalah jarum,
haruskah dipatahkan?
ketika setiap siluet adalah abu2
haruskah dijelaskan?
ketika semua dimensi adalah absurd,
haruskah dikongkritkan?

Ketika......................
entahlah saya memang sudah kehabisan kata-kata..........

(Kebingungan seorang ika saat nulis thesis.......)

Melancholy

2005-02-07T05:28:00.000+07:00

Today I feel somewhat melow, I will leave Wageningen within two months ahead...........Sitting in front of my window and looking at fantastic view from 20th floor, the room that I occupied since August 2003. Within one and half year so many things have happened and in this little yet cozy room, I live my life away from home..........I love this little cubicle so much and I am fully aware that I may not be back to this anymore, even if I were the shape would not be the same. So much memories are painted, up and down, success and failure, sorrow and laughter, they come and go frequently and this room is my most sanctuary. The place where I can hide from my fear and anxiety, where I celebrate my victory, where I learn to grow up.............If I have to leave this room one day, I will ensure myself that I am going to miss it a lot....................

Counting The Day

2005-02-05T16:21:00.000+07:00

One "big day" of my life will come soon, the day where I have to convince peoples on what I have written in papers named thesis to achieve the "MSc" degree ". I am counting the day and second.......a bit nervous and I can feel my heart beating faster now........be cool girl, you still have some weeks to prepare, so now work harder than ever!!! *talking to my self*
Don't have anything else to write, so here is the poems that I wrote on my birthday Nov 20th 2004.

Perjalanan sebuah hati

Disini, di negeri tak bergunung ini aku terpaku
Menikmati detak waktu dan berbagai cerita
Disini, di penghujung usia belia aku membisu
Mencoba meresapi segala warna yang tercipta
Walau perih mendera bercampur tawa
Jatuh bangun menggapai bening-Nya

Disini, di musim tak bercahaya ini
Ku gubah sebuah syair nan tak berpangkal
Tamsilan hati dan jiwa menggapai damai-Nya

Entah dimana asa ku bermaya
Ku mencari-nya disetiap doa ku
Entah apa rindu ku
Ku menyusuri-nya disetiap mimpiku

Disini, di waktu tak bertepi ini
Ku satukan asa dan rindu ku yang tersia
Ku rangkai menjadi sebuah renda
Walau tak elok tapi bermakna
Karena aku mencipta-nya

Wageningen, 20 Nov 2004 12.51 am

Patience

2005-01-26T20:54:00.000+07:00

Yesterday fitri and me went to schipol to pick up ratih (fitri's sister), so I promised to meet her down stair very early in the morning (at 6 pm) but strangely I didn't wake up until my mobile was ringing, Oh my god !!! it was fitri on the phone asking whether I am ready to leave. I just woke up and hurriedly run to bathroom and dressep up with my sleepy eyes. It was dark, snowing and cold when we walked out to the bus station. We supposed to take the bust at 06.09 but we were late because of me. Finally we took bus 86 at 06.39 to Ede to take the train to schipol. Fitri checked out the train schedule and told me that the train will come within minutes. We had to change the train in Droevendrecht, again we checked the train schedule and decided to take sprinter train (I didn't know what sprinter train mean neither did fitri). Nevertheless we took this train considering this was the first train that would depart within this 3 minutes, so we run to the platform to catch it, If we waited for intercity train we would need to stay 20 minutes longer in the station.

So, here we were, Once the train started moving fitri and me started laughing too, this train moved so slowly while we had to reach schipol immediately as ratih might be shivering there since 5 am, she didn't put on sufficient clothes against this cold winter. On the train we discussed that we might get the faster train if we were patience enough to wait. This was the lesson that I generated from this trip, be patience is better to get better result.............................................

Nevertheless, I did enjoy the trip and our sight seeing in amsterdam with fitri and ratih, taking a day break from my thesis. We arrived home at 05 pm in snowing Wageningen, thanks girls for the day, it was great...............................

It's snowing today

2005-01-25T01:18:00.000+07:00

waking up this morning and directly looking out of my window, what a wonderful view!!! snow is everywhere.......................I think it must be cold outside, silently I thank to Al-mighty to know that I am safe here in my cozy room..........................Well, I have to back to Evo (my lovely laptop) actually, working again , I have an appointment to meet my supervisor this afternoon. Starting my day with a cup of chocolate milk+cookies and of course my favo song : Out of reach by Gabrielle (Bridget Jones's diary soundtrack).

Time to say good bye is always hard for me

2005-01-24T03:42:00.000+07:00

Dear my friend you are leaving now. The only things I can do were standing there on the train platform : watching over you, waving at you, saying good bye and crying. Have a safe trip to home, I am going to miss you girl..............

I still remember how we met in Jakarta before departure to this country, how sad we were once our flight took off in Cengkareng, how stupid I was when I asked why you were crying on your chair besides me. You didn't know that I was crying too in lavatory just wanted to show you that I was fine so no need to bother you with my tears. I still remember how was our first day here in Wageningen, how hard we tried to be strong and find our way. Until this moment, when you have to leave I still remember all of our stories (our birthday, our favorite color, and so many things left behind) and I still rememember how we cried out loud through the phone when you were almost entering the boarding gate in Schipol...............

Good luck my dear, hope to see you sometime somewhere in our beloved country, If you couldn't find me here once you back to our lovely village Wageningen, just believe that my heart is always be here with you...............................

Dedicated to my best friend : Joice Natalia Anastasia (you are always my joicepoice)

My first journal

2005-01-21T19:28:00.000+07:00

This is my first journal, after a year delaying finally I decided to create my own blog, hope it is not too late. I'd like to thank to sipirili who gave me a brief yet clear guidance to write my journal here. We'll see how long I can carry this journal on....